Topping the Dim's List

Ah. I swear this is the last time I am doing what I did.

Deader than dead

[edited a billion times over for readability]

Are you there God? It's me, The Idiot. 

I know you exist, I know you dote on me. 

That's why on the one day of the week I decide to do my laundry, it drizzles, trickles, pours. This happens everytime. This week was a record-breaker -- me and my neighbour brought the clothes indoors 3 times (twice for her, because I brought in hers the last time it rained) after hanging it out to dry. My neighbour has sworn to never wash her clothes on the same day I do. 

After skipping all lessons, and on the one day of the week I decide to attend school, it pours also. and I take the wrong bus (it's been 16 weeks since I moved in to hostel, seriously). I ended up late for class. I stepped in, didn't recognise the person at the blackboard, and backed out of the room. Then hovered outside the door for a few minutes. Why were there so many empty seats? Was another tutor taking over the class because the rain had caused traffic jam? Had there been any mention of an optional tutorial in the webcast I had not been following? And why couldn't I recognise the students? but that wouldn't be strange. Seriously. This is what happens when you do not have a single friend in any module. Then 10mins ago, in the library I remembered that my slot starts an hour later. It's scary. If I'd been particulary nervous about my grade, I would have stayed for that stranger's class and not known that it was the wrong class til the next tutor (my tutor) stepped in. 

I have covered more in this week than the semester combined. Which frankly, isn't saying much.

Seriously, I'd be delirious with joy if I attained CAP 2.0. Seriously, someone has to stop me from using 'seriously'. 

Her Majesty | 慧敏 blank. one of the many in the world

Monologue / Soliloquy

It's been x years, y months and z days since we met. and longer since we spoke to each other at all. And still I hang over your every word. . and it fucking hurts when i read your short prose. and I know I don't deserve that trashing. the oblique references; the colours, the storm, the stars -- do we know where the fuck we stand?

Waiting in Copenhagen. for my head to be sawed off. again.

Good morning sunshine!

The earth says Hullo!
In the great, grand tradition of Singaporeans abroad, I have brought with me suitcases of stuff to Ulu Hall. But I still need the instant noodles for proof of identity. So far it has been great fun, and I am waiting to make my first friend. Several UFOs have landed on my bed since I put on the sheets last night, but I come prepared; should these invasions escalate to a crisis, Baygon and Antimos to the rescue!
It's Week 0, so school has not started, and I still have plenty of time to get a haircut, continue with Dvorak, and the likes.
I'm ready to know why 1+1=2!

too sleepy to be funny

L v. C (the  other one) type 1
the Anarchist is convinced that a Singapore full of him will never require a central Govt's hand to operate. And if he had his way, the process of renewal will take place without delay every year
young, gorgeous, and dead. most above 55 year olds are as good as useless.
in his world, anyone a day above fifty would volunteer to line up together and jump into a pit of fire. obviously these people would be put to good use -- their ash could be used to reclaim land til Pangea is formed again (that was actually my addition -- and a damn good one, if I may say so myself!)
but  i think that such a person is the most prone to turning into a dictator.

L (also another one) v. C the same other one) type 2
in this L vs C scenario, reversal of roles has taken place. the L is now David and the C has morphed into a Goliath.
i found this hilarious, but it has nothing to do with why i burst out laughing at the wrongest time.
rather alarmingly, i recognised the same oft-criticised traits in myself from the very beginning

the poop that could
the WC I frequent is incapable of handling heavy-duty usage. or ultra-buoyant 'stuff'

The lil' things that bother me

I wasn't a superofficer
I've never had sex on the beach. or at all. no actually this doesn't bother me much, added it for fun
I haven't produced or shot on the HD workflow. nor do i know what it means
I haven't produced or directed a single film
I couldn't code in HTML, PHP, ASP, and SQL at 17, and still can't
I have no idea what's the Baroque music era, if there is one
I have just 3 skirts and wear only only 1
I couldn't do a DVD [OR insert item of choice] sales pitch even if my life depended on it
I am not thinking substantial thoughts at all
At the age of 27 the only thing i think i'll concern myself with would be my debt
I am not overperforming!
I have no desire to get a tattoo. but if i had a change of heart at the age of 51, I wouldn't give a damn what the Bible dictates
I am not on an overseas scholarship.
I don't -- never did -- write or speak well and it gets bloody worse every bloody year
I am not an actress
I am not boyish-cute and pretty
When I hit 30, there is abs no way i am going to look like a 22 year old. i mean, look at me now!
I told the SMU interviewers of my interest in derivations and then promptly and brightly proclaimed that I'd forgotten ALL of them. which was the horrible truth
I have a peculiar sense of humour, even i think so
^I don't own a single Apple product. I am amazed the boxes and Macs in the office don't punish me by collapsing on me when i go near them. I am secretly afraid that the brochures are conspiring to come together to whirl me away to Apple Neverland á la the Sylphs in The Spiderwick Chronicles

I can't recall how to use modals
I overuse 'thing'
I have never been 19

Everyone I'm met at the new workplace is a Very Interesting Person (Maybe I am just dull)! I can learn a lot from them. I just need the conversation to start and move beyond canned drinks, $1.50 snacks, and ticket stubs.

I am currently very much enamoured with JB. i wish i could include a representation of her somewhere, but to do that i'd need to first get past the tricky bit of explaining what I was doing Googling her name. Until it becomes socially acceptable to openly Google all your colleagues, I will not admit to it! Or I could fib and say I followed a link from facebook, i hope there's a link from over there. I just need to open a facebook account first. Alternatively, she or someone who knows us both could just stumble on this and let me know! JB is, like, the entire package: musical, writes well, pretty, and... geeky! just short of athletic to pwning everyone else. Awesome! She's my role model for the month of July and August. Yay!

Not so yay-worthy news: I cleaned out my reserves on Tues. Bless me

Edited to include this ^ at the end of the list on work related things [The Thing is here again!] that bother me

Bummer

Someone stab me please. I turned down a chance to be suspended in midair (for half an hour) with Sodagreen in person. for work

I am such a hardworking bumblebee lah -dee -dah

If no one turns up again on Thurs, I swear I am going to stop speaking to You-know-who in civilised tones for 2 weeks

And yesterday, I saw a 51-year-old flash her middle finger no less than 3 times (granted it was at the same, um, target). I hope I am as feisty when I'm half her age

11th Hour was a blast! The journey to and fro was hell

Merry Christmas to you

it's complicated [for keepsake's sake]

Hullo
it should be midnight now, where you are
i hope you have fun, and let off some steam, goodness knows you need to
few more days to Xmas.. how are you? really, how are you?

see, this thing about me, and (just) possibly you -- i don't know what to make of it;
it's vague, it's inconsistent and it's riddled with uncertainty. and it's been going on for forever too
i may be imagining things for all i know. if i am, i think i'll know in awhile then i'll rmb this
no i won't actually i never do

i am friends with two very capable girls. so capable in fact, that if i had any sense, i'd have freaked out a long time ago and attempted to keep up with them. one of them's ambition is to be a doctor. if she can't do it, she'd settle for being a lawyer. the other? she wants to be a lawyer, second choice is a doctor. don't think i've ever considered law or medicine as a profession. not even when my dream job changed nearly everyday, before i was 11. a vet maybe, but not a doctor/lawyer. that's it man, makes you wonder how they stand being friends with me.
whichever university they're bound for, whatever their fields, i believe they'd be very outstanding.
as for me, i rather suspect this is how my eulogy will be read at my funeral:
her greatest achievement in life was being friends with dy and lp who ... [the rest being achievements of theirs, to take up space]. my life in a line

2007-11-30

12 years of my life, in a corner of my room. See the row of files in the left of the picture? all from jc; I wonder how much of it i actually did.


When we move on, who is it that we leave behind? and what of the ones who tried to hold us back -- do they look on with understanding or in denial. and so we glance back in triumph. and unguised delight



i have a splendid new vaio (my first). it's a notebook, and it's really gorgeous. it's been a few days since i got it, and i still can't believe its mine. i'd been saving for a notebook, but the one i had in mind was a secondhand with chipped paint or something like that. i would be able to abuse it and run all sorts of programs on it. that way it wouldn't hurt too much if i had to dispose of it, and i would be all the wiser too with regards to suspicious downloads (this is my first pc). back to the one i actually have now :) it's currently pristine white. but my room is a dust-trap so i am worried how long before it turns grey. and i hear excessive dust impairs performance. i do hope it stays with me long enough for the 4/5 year warranty to expire. i have a new mobile too :)
neither the notebook nor the hp were paid for by me. not yet anyway

i wish had a mechanism within me to guide me. it should preferably be infallible. if it isn't, i should have someone called Gahmen to blame the system's shortcomings on. that'd be convenient. something's broken, it's G's fault, go fix it. problem worsened, it could only be G's goddamn fault.
perhaps that mechanism already exists, i just am not clear how it works, i need an Adam smith, or, if you like, Freud to come up with a manual to the workings of the human psyche. they can do the messy delving, i'll do whatever the heck they say. yes I am in dire need of a heartware manual; i'm clueless about myself, boys, girls and people in general. everyone knows it

I wrote the below for myself when I was in sec 4 i think. it's fragmented, which is how i write all the time. Do you recognise the bits that were influenced by lp's travels? they are the berlin wall bit and the swarovski stationery bit.


Some things I would like to do in this life

visit the last of the ancient wonders of the world: pyramid Giza
see for myself the tomb of coffin of King Tut [all that gold $_$]
live in the desert for a time
or at least get to traipse through Cairo's bazaars. fully-clothed of course
I won't mind trekking the Silk Road. and see if I end up in China
If there I would like to go to the world's most elegant city: Hangzhou. famed for its visual and gastronomic delights, even the royalty came and rest their souls here
Hey, what's good for the Emperor's good for me. Who knows, I may even compose my Nobel award winning poem. That'd stun the world, myself included.

I want to stand on the sites of the ancient wonders, esp the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. Skyrise greenery is the thing now in the city and S'pore could take a cue from there. But I'm not sure if any bit of it remains.

I wanna spend a night in the 'toxic' beaches of Thailand. Eat real red ruby.

Go 'City of love' the world's fashion capital.
visit factories & assure its guards I am a S'porean, not a copies-churning Chinese from China. What irony! I think I am just that! Hmmm...

Sit the Eurostar through the English Channel. to London.
Grey, gloomy & wet. My kind of weather. my kind of city.

I wanna visit the libraries , esp the one, ugh, forget it, can't even remember its name.
I wanna sit in the stands during a match b/n Oxford & Cambridge & feel the tension generated by famous or rather infamous Oxbridge rivalry.
I'd decide which side to sit on that day.

I wanna read entire ss of The Chalet School.
Visit Switzerland.
Eat chocolates, lots of chocolates. & go to Belgium to look got more, much more chocolate. I don't want some cocoa mass!! or milk chocolate. I want real true blue. dark chocolate
bittersweet. The real McCoy (not exactly the best Pl to put this word, I know). I'd hoard them.
I wanna visit Berlin Wall.
Buy Swarovski crystals studded -stationery.

I wanna learn Latin, Ancient Greek!

So many Pl, so little time, even lesser resources. [nice word] ;)

Argh.

My dream:
Roam the world at will.

I know I should really be a nomad

here's last Wed's post, http://www.google.co.uk/notebook/public/18368481000725833672/BDQKYIgoQrKb75sgi?hl=en. i admit i corrected something hee hee ;) but they were glaring errors and nothing was lost. had another physics test, was 'orrible. i am in danger of neglecting physics and maths and everything but chem
note to self: x rays can cause damage to human tissue. STAY AWAY FROM THE TV

on the high seas

I'm in school now, it's my first post in a long while.

Yesterday was Ms Sewa's birthday, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

Birthday Girl was obviously less than thrilled with my reception yesterday, and I'm sorry, really! Spent just 15minutes with them (cos I had a test in the evening) and it was really fun, even if all they did was to look for bags. I'd forgotten how it was like with them. The first things they (LP and DY) say to me everytime we meet has something to do with my appearance (did you just had your hair cut yesterday? I swear, you look more like a primary school kid than ever!) what are friends for right :)

I spent the bus journey and mrt ride, to and fro, preparing for Physics MCQ. As usual, I left out Superposition. i can kiss a good pass goodbye

I'm pretty much screwed for Prelims,and the 'A's too I think. All I have been doing is revision.

I'm going to try blogging regularly now. I think I've lost touch with my feelings



There're many things I would like to tell you, but I don't know how
You 're my wonder wall


...what's a wonder wall anyway?

An Adventurer is Me!

I love KoL -- check it out! Kingdom of Loathing
I need my Physics TYS and textbook back. Some asshole stole it. i even know his class. yes, I know it's a him
I hope to visit HC and NJ soon
met Mingxi, Kaiting, Yili and Mengxiang on the eve of the eve of CNY.
it was therapeutic :)

I want RE to get through!
Update: Oh no they didn't get thru. now i'll never know who's behind those masks
Ta-ta

PS I want ...

What a day. Walked around for a good seven hours with unzipped flies. Oh God

I was made to wipe the kitchen drawers some day last week and I took the chance to check in on the cockroach at the bottom. The last I saw of it, before last week, that is (aeons ago), it was still nice, whole and intact. Now, it's been smashed to smithereens and you can see its bits if you look under the drawer. What's eeky is the droppings that are everywhere in the drawers. Cockroach poop! Little black balls!
Tootpid cockroaches. It's not like food's kept in those drawers. Anyway, I cleared the droppings, but not the dead cockroach.
It's not gruesome or anything cos it's dry and they (the bits) look like sticks. But I still didn't clear it.
I'm not giving it a proper burial or dumping in the chute! I don't care!
On a random note, lizard shit is ew-ier than cockroaches'. I mean, whose poop is green besides birds'? OK I don't actually know.

I came close to being retained this year, so I was really happy (and relieved) when I received my results slip.
Shafi is just before me on the register, and she was sitting next to me when the slips were handed out.
Ing Keat walked away from the both of us after Shafi got her results, and my heart nearly stopped beating. Gosh!
Of course, my grades of ADEDE are nothing to rejoice over, so I shouldn't have been delighted.
In retrospect, I could have done better if I had managed my time wisely. I say this after every major examination, I think.
For that matter, I come close to being retained or kicked out nearly every year, it's amazing I graduated from secondary school at all.
I'm not even taking Chinese anymore and I'm still getting this kind of shitty results. Shit!

I think Junior College is nothing near what they warned us about in secondary school.
I guess it depends on which school you're enrolled in, or maybe your subject combination.
For one, the life I lead in Pioneer is certainly different from my friends' lives. Then again, all our lives are different.
I don't think I regret coming to Pioneer, I couldn't have gone elsewhere anyway.
First two months in JC, I did all my work dilligently, like all good students, and no one else was doing it.
Four, five months after, I stop doing homejoy when everyone else is getting serious.
I joined and stayed in Canoe cos my orientation pals were there.
I'm quitting in three months no matter the competition outcome or Commontest results.
I wish I could stay longer but I promised my father after the Mid-years that I would buck up or leave CCA for good.
A promise is a promise and I'm very grateful he's agreed that I can stay on til National Marathon is over.
Come February next year, it's back to CCA-less me.

I don't know if I have changed since I don't know, yesterday. During the weeks preceding the release of Promos results,
I thought long and hard over minor details like how to greet who the right way when school reopens
and whether 23rd October would be my last time singing the school song as a Year 1 student, ...could I even stay in the COllege?
Would I still get to wear my oversized blouse that billows and looks so much like a pillow in the wind?
One week leading up to the release, I worried about different things.
Each time I took a rest, I thought I could never be the same person again, no matter what my results turn out to be.
I don't recall ever giving this much a damn about my academic results. But suddenly, the holidays are upon me,
my fate is sealed for the moment, and the urge to 'increase my net-worth' is gone! G-O-N-E. OhdearmewhatamItodo?
Two months will fly by like that and -- I'll shaddup here.
Speaking about change... PAE -- I tried so hard! to ogle at boys, to love the latest mobiles, to giggle at stuff some girls giggle at.
I told a secondary school mate about the boys bit and she looked at me weird and said, 'How can you do that? People can tell!'
But I don't think anyone could and did. I gave up the pretence anyway, only my PAE OG bothered.



These are a two things I have learned so far this year. Defnitely non-exhaustive

It's really important to treat people with sincerity. Most can detect hypocrisy
勤能补拙 Hard work beats talent when talent don't work hard



爱是钥匙，恨是枷锁，请对自己宽容

该学乖了

I read this in today's papers


SECRETS, LIES AND SCHOOLS
-------------------------
Felix Kumar*

IS it the parents' fault or is it the school's fault when something such as this happens?

As parents, we would like to give our children the best and guide them in life without being overbearing. For 16 years, we have been doing this. But it was a mistake to let our daughter have the mobile phone and the knowledge of computers.

It was a lethal mixture. She used the Internet in school to go into the website Friendster to get to know men. We later found out she had made contact with more than a hundred men via her handphone.

We have always taken care of her and given her a rich life filled with family activities like swimming, badminton, cycling, outings, prayers, studies and travelling. It would not have been right to say that we as a family did not play our part.

Sad to say, my daughter had been secretly seeing these men behind our backs. We cannot, after all, watch over her shoulder 24 hours a day. It was purely by accident that we caught her going out of the house without our permission.

I sent an SMS to her to come home immediately, but she refused. That fateful day was Aug 19. We made a police report the following day and the police managed to contact her, but she refused to come home.

Afterward, I went to give a copy of the police report to the headmistress of her school. She lacked the PR skills in handling a parent who has lost a daughter. She insinuated that I did not bring up my daughter properly, instead of lending a listening ear and discussing how we could tackle the situation. The irony is, my daughter got involved in this mess because of a schoolmate's influence.

The headmistress's aloof manner also made me wonder if this was one of the contributing factors for the students' behaviour. There is room for improvement in how our schools handle today's students, especially with Internet access, the demands of their generation and communication gaps.

Any remedial steps should be discussed with parents, students and the teachers. I spoke to the teachers at my daughter's school, and they generally expressed sympathy for the student. This should not be the case. They should work with the parents and advise students accordingly.

Recently, there was an outcry from the convent schools over comments in a newspaper article about their students and the opposite sex.

Placed in such a situation, any school should not react defensively, but perhaps make an honest effort to find out the true situation by surveying the parents, students and teachers.

I am writing this with a heavy heart and hope that my words will help someone - a parent, student or teacher. Perhaps someone could set up a forum on this "hidden" topic and explore the answers, for the good of our society.

Facing up to the problem honestly is better than denying it exists and sweeping it under the carpet until a more serious problem evolves. I hope other parents will join me in this.

This is contributed by a reader.
The editors agreed to using a pseudonym to protect his child's identity.

TODAY September 26, 2006



It's Banned Books Week. Celebrate Your Freedom to Read

Censorship is the strongest drive in human nature; sex is a weak second.
Phil Kerby