160420 - Letter to self

Dear Self,

How doth you be?

People have been telling me you aren't real. And truthfully, I'm inclined to believe them -- sorry :/ But if you aren't real, who's that calling the shots behind my eyes? Who's that who wants to tell everyone everything? And while we are on the topic, who was the one who after five hours and counting, still couldn't decide to eat fish or tofu for dinner. The vegetarian or the Hemsley twins newbie follower? Who was that who...? Who, who, who? 

It's a short letter, to address you. 

As you pick off your delusions ickle by ickle, know that you will never be perfect -- and it's okay to keep trying. Take a stroll, tickle the mimosa, and enjoy the company. Then go on to be useful, to yourself and others. 

May you be happy and well. 

Yours,

Hui Min

Afterthought title: timeliness vs timelessness

Me at River Safari 

I began composing this post yesterday night. Now that I'm done I see jumping jumping and jumping, and words that were written as reactions to sensations to self-doubts about whether I'm getting something right. This is a post not fit for consumption, without metta, written for selfish gratification. I'm storing this post away as reminder. It's eaten into my time for 320 project, and it says something that I'd rather spend time on writing this post than work on problems. I think I believe in the importance of my writing and transparency too much. It's like what Cal Newport wrote. When you have a Twitter audience of 200+ you let yourself believe you're saying things that matter. It's not important. What you feel isn't important. It's what you contribute. 

I finished Deep work (Cal Newport, 2016) yesterday. Which says obsessors get things done, full-stop. IMHO there's an area I'm not intense enough, and that's in understanding the Buddha's teachings. In daily life, I talk about animals, I share photos, but I don't exchange enough on studying the Dhamma.

For goodness sake I am even embarrassed about saying food prayers at the dining table with my father. 

Being serious about something invites the inevitable questions: so? Are you going to make this a living? Are you trying to threaten me? 

Let's answer this upfront*: Enlightenment / Awakening / Sustainable happiness is everyone's business. I'm not vying to be your spiritual guide or one-up you in morality. I'm just practising, but I'm practising full-time. 

You'll only benefit if you take me with you**. 

*When checking if the word is outright or upright (changed it to upfront), I came across the Isha Foundation's online ad on the dictionary app I was using. I've been watching Sadhguru videos. Instant quandary aside (am I deviating???), you gotta admit, this guy's doing it really well isn't it? The use of YouTube and segmenting videos to capture our short attention spans with questions that we want urgent answers to. He even makes sporting an out-of-control beard looks good.

**i almost tremble at the presumptuous-ness of what I've written. But hey I believe in the quality of my hearttt ;)

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