in my first counselling session, I was asked in a 'phải không?' way (after admitting that my depression had been around in lower sec, I think), so you've never been happy? And I answered, rather defensively, that I thought I'd been happy when I was in school. which was what I'd always thought to be so.
But after the qn was asked, when I was answering the qn, after I left the room, it sunk in. that while I'd known right from the first day of school even, that school was where I could be kept from the house, for the 'right' reasons, I'd also known/learnt that my happiness was and could only be temporal, and that was why I sought so desperately to prolong these periods of hạnh phúc, wasn't it? but I could stave off the pain, pretty easily. I just had to be away from anyone in the family. the steps that grew heavy when I reached the condo compound were also lighter the moment I stepped out of the door.
It's different now; Happiness no longer arrives by virtue of location. It has become something I have to actively chase. without leads. and I am so tired of it. The moment I stop feeling wonder (the only antidote gần dây), the emptiness rings loud and hollow. I cannot feel much. the people around me today, I do not care if they care or not. I cannot understand many of their aspirations, I cannot understand why CAP 5.0 matters. sure Dean's List is nice. but does it mean anything, can it give me what I want? what is it that I want, anyway? The universe will give me anything I want, if I want it bad enough. Will it condemn me because I don't know what I want. Or if I just want to -- you know it,
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