Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Adept at adapt. Or is it the other way round?

As is, as is. Inspired by the country's almost-two x six-year-cycles of schooling, I've thought that perhaps life, or my life comes or works in six-year cycles. With the sixth year turning up better results. Me and an ex-classmate did have such a talk after our exams once, haha. 

I guess you may consider this a sort of a marker or delimiter?

In this case, then, if we are what we do and have devoted ourselves to, then, well, regardless, the sixth year of this cycle has been quite a mess -- actually that's not quite right, you will deliver results*, anyway. Now if you buy this, I've become impeccable at bumming, at reading double entendres in song lyrics, at asking for permission to love, at looking up postal codes on Google Maps (I've come back to being a shallow superuser, although Google's offerings have changed since I was a younger enthuse.), at being effortlessly aware of the body's sensations leading up to common and not-so-common ailments. 

This was in the context of what I was allowed to do, and allowed myself to do.

Now, like a good Buddhist, it's my duty to of course tell you that kamma is more mysterious than this and please for fucks sake continue with your life without depending too much on almanacs. Cue Liao Fan's four lessons https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liao-Fan%27s_Four_Lessons?wprov=sfla1

Disclaimer- I'm not a monastic nor a billionaire nor a fengshui teacher. For relevant teachings, please approach the experts.

*If you haven't gotten it, the question is, what will you deliver results on?

Thursday, November 14, 2019

我们在哪?我门在哪?门都没有?船是要去?从新读了这章,原来读起来我真像是个花花女子。就留在paradox的。就留给自己读。如果忘记为什么,为了是什么,文章的最后一句话就是答案。你(给自己的)就看着你的人生一半的过去吧,永远的活在蒙语内。你知道你努力过。

又是另外一天 在房间里待了另一天
让我想起了the parodies of the bunker scene
没新的照片,所以就改发,放在draft吧。找到了照片!但这里的paradox很多。

生存以上 生活以下 

见过一个很爱打电动的男孩*。
和另一个爱找角度的


生活很残酷。佛说路一半是剩余的--上次到此走出来的,有一半是现于的--你现在做什么就是往于的。两个加起来呈现出的果--但它们之间的互动你看不出,想了(trace)迟早是会疯的。***
我也没什么好说的了。

*在熟食中心。虽然开始吃素了,我叫了一碗tulang merah回味年少时(也只不过十年,少于,in fact)。他在外面坐着在栏杆上,应该说是夹在栏杆那。我被乘了一包超大的酱料,我说不要。我知道应该就是他,要跟他说,eh,适可而止了吧!附近的小贩盖住小鸡鸡,好像要当挡球的,不然就是怕我吃了,哈哈哈哈。吃完了饭,把一些面包喂给了鸟,或许也洗了手,抬起头/回座位小男孩已不在。我以为/认为应该就能在附近/再次在熟食中心/在别处遇见。那时的我是相当有信心的。哈哈哈哈。

**印象中的片段preview有点不同,是对角换位的了。跟这个的有相似https://youtu.be/pWvPXTWUexk(虽然没有play过MV或听过歌)


***但你也要知道。
他不要就是不要,现今选择放下的句点你都在看(有分寸)。逞强个屁。