I read this in today's papers


SECRETS, LIES AND SCHOOLS
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Felix Kumar*

IS it the parents' fault or is it the school's fault when something such as this happens?

As parents, we would like to give our children the best and guide them in life without being overbearing. For 16 years, we have been doing this. But it was a mistake to let our daughter have the mobile phone and the knowledge of computers.

It was a lethal mixture. She used the Internet in school to go into the website Friendster to get to know men. We later found out she had made contact with more than a hundred men via her handphone.

We have always taken care of her and given her a rich life filled with family activities like swimming, badminton, cycling, outings, prayers, studies and travelling. It would not have been right to say that we as a family did not play our part.

Sad to say, my daughter had been secretly seeing these men behind our backs. We cannot, after all, watch over her shoulder 24 hours a day. It was purely by accident that we caught her going out of the house without our permission.

I sent an SMS to her to come home immediately, but she refused. That fateful day was Aug 19. We made a police report the following day and the police managed to contact her, but she refused to come home.

Afterward, I went to give a copy of the police report to the headmistress of her school. She lacked the PR skills in handling a parent who has lost a daughter. She insinuated that I did not bring up my daughter properly, instead of lending a listening ear and discussing how we could tackle the situation. The irony is, my daughter got involved in this mess because of a schoolmate's influence.

The headmistress's aloof manner also made me wonder if this was one of the contributing factors for the students' behaviour. There is room for improvement in how our schools handle today's students, especially with Internet access, the demands of their generation and communication gaps.

Any remedial steps should be discussed with parents, students and the teachers. I spoke to the teachers at my daughter's school, and they generally expressed sympathy for the student. This should not be the case. They should work with the parents and advise students accordingly.

Recently, there was an outcry from the convent schools over comments in a newspaper article about their students and the opposite sex.

Placed in such a situation, any school should not react defensively, but perhaps make an honest effort to find out the true situation by surveying the parents, students and teachers.

I am writing this with a heavy heart and hope that my words will help someone - a parent, student or teacher. Perhaps someone could set up a forum on this "hidden" topic and explore the answers, for the good of our society.

Facing up to the problem honestly is better than denying it exists and sweeping it under the carpet until a more serious problem evolves. I hope other parents will join me in this.

This is contributed by a reader.
The editors agreed to using a pseudonym to protect his child's identity.

TODAY September 26, 2006



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